Just. Cancel. My. Account. Please.

I've had a Mindspring account for almost 10 years. It was originally my main web connection when I started my business, and then later served as a backup dial-up connection on the occasions that cable was down and for when I traveled. It got buggywhipped when I purchased a Verizon USB modem for my laptop a few weeks ago.

So, this morning, I called Earthlink/Mindspring customer service to cancel the $14.95 monthly drain on my account. Their customer service was aggressive about trying to keep me. Would you be interested in keeping the same account for $9.95 a month? No. Would you be interested in keeping the two email addresses for $3.95 a month? No. Did you realize that you still have emails in those addresses? Yes. Are you SURE that you don't want to keep it for $3.95 a month? Yes, I don't care about any mail coming to that address. Please just cancel me. How about if we gave you a free month of keeping those addresses, after which it would be only $3.95 a month?

I was polite and patient, knowing that she's just someone trying to do her job--and she was doing it well. A half-hour and several thousand braincells later, I am free.