Waterboarding the English language

Last week, I received an emergency story assignment from one of my longtime editors who was heading out the door for vacation. I needed to get a short quote from a few different sources for a piece about improving your finances in the coming year. Easy peasy.

I was reminded, in the process, that our country is litigating itself into oblivion.

I'm accustomed to running quotes by my sources, though there are reasons why I won't show someone the entire story. That said, this particular situation was truly a stunner. One of my sources gave me a two-sentence quote of fairly standard financial advice that needed approval from her compliance department. As it happens, she had received an honor in 2010 as one of the country's top 100 women in her field, and I wanted to mention that as a way of boosting her credentials. The compliance department said that was fine, as long as I included the following disclaimer:

"Source: Magazine X's Top 100 Women [in her field], [month/date], as identified by Magazine X, using quantitative and qualitative criteria and selected from a pool of over 450 nominations. [People] in the Top 100 Women [in her field] have a minimum of seven years of [experience] and [seriously large amount of money that they manage]. Qualitative factors include, but are not limited to, compliance record, interviews with senior management and philanthropic work. [Specific performance] is not a criterion. The rating may not be representative of any one client's experience and is not indicative of the [specific job title's] future performance. Neither [the source's company] nor its [people in the same job as my source] pay a fee to Magazine X in exchange for the rating. Magazine X is a registered trademark of the [even bigger publishing conglomerate name]. All rights reserved."

In case you're not counting, that's about 150 words to disclaim a 8-word phrase that stated a simple fact that someone had received an industry honor.

How, exactly, those bon mots of legalese would prevent anyone making a foolish decision with his or her money, I am not sure. But, what I *am* confident of is that this little exercise in the waterboarding of the English language — not to mention common sense — surely cost the interviewee's company several hundred dollars in legal fees.

Fees which the parent company eventually charges as fees to its customers, making life more expensive and retirement ever more elusive...and proving that our lawyer-legislators are ignorant, above all, of The Law of Unintended Consequences.

Just 15 more days till tax day...in Canada

My family and I spent most of 2009 as expatriates in New Brunswick, Canada, but today, alas, I bring no bawdy tales of being screeched in as an honorary Newfoundlander, or of seeing mooses in Cape Breton, or of watching whales blow in the Bay of Fundy, or learning how to curl (which is far more difficult than it looks).

No, comrades, the topic du jour is an international freelancer's view of the differences in our income tax systems, which for some reason is on top of my mind today.

• I can't speak for anyone else, but at our income level, a Canadian pays more than a comparable U.S. citizen. A lot more. Keep in mind, this is on top of an already-nasty federal/provincial sales tax (13% in N.B.) and, worst of all, wicked tariffs on liquor. Oddly enough, easy access to unemployment benefits (known shorthand as "EI," for Employment Insurance) and healthcare are not free. They are expensive.
• Although we paid into the healthcare and EI systems, we were not eligible for benefits. We were covered by a Cigna International policy.
• That being said, I admire how simple the Canadian T1 General Income Tax and Benefit Return is. Ours was 19 pages long, and it covered both federal and provincial taxes.  
• By comparison, our fed and Arizona forms ran 47 and 16 pages, respectively. And to add insult to injury, the postage to mail our 1040 cost almost a dollar more than the T1!
• The T1 is also admirably clear about what your tax rate calculation is, compared to the byzantine B.S. charts in the U.S. system. The Canadian government appears quite content to spell out how badly you're getting reamed.

On a final note, for U.S. citizen freelancers who find themselves outposted north of the border: Make sure you're an LLC. As it turns out, freelancing in Canada went very smoothly and my fears from last May of owing taxes to the Dominion on my worldwide income were unfounded. Our tax preparer concluded that "Boomvang Creative does not carry on business in Canada through a permanent establishment maintained in Canada."

Uncle Sam, you're very welcome.

Are you serious?

It's a constant refrain at this blog to treat your freelancing like a business. (That's not to say that you shouldn't be massively creative or just plain goofy much of the time, but rather that there are times when you can't.) Part of that is being responsible for yourself when things don't according to Hoyle. Yeah, I'm talking about insurance.

Health insurance. From my Freelance Forecast 2009 survey (click here to download the pdf) earlier this year, I know well that health insurance is a major sticking point for us solo practitioners. An article titled "Health Insurance for Freelancers" at Freelance Switch offers a wide range of ideas and links--the comments are recommended reading as well. It's worth the time to investigate your options and even revisiting the details of your current plan. Back when I first went freelance, for example, I discovered personally that COBRA was far more expensive than what I could get on my own for the coverage I wanted.

Disability income insurance. Today's cheery thought from Freelancers Union: You're much more likely to have a period of disability than you are to die. (Yet many of us have insurance to protect against the latter but not the former.) The good news for freelancers is that we're in a low-risk field and premiums are cheap. I've owned a policy from Country Financial for several years.

Errors and omissions insurance. Also known as professional liability or publishers/media liability, you may have to show proof of this if you do contract work for a larger company; depending on your business, it may make sense to have a policy anyway. Some basic info to start your research can be found at ChubbPro E&O and Publiability, which offers a program called WriteInsure that is targeted specifically at authors, self-publishers, bloggers, freelance writers, and small publishers.

Disclaimer: I'm not an insurance professional and I don't play one on TV. The above links and opinions are provided to get you thinking about and researching the topic as it applies to your business, not as specific recommendations. What you want, need and can afford ultimately need to strike a balance with your risk tolerance and life circumstances. But I will say this: When you consider that these are the types of insurance that an employer would purchase on your behalf if you were a full-time employee...isn't it in your best interest to take a serious look at how well you're protecting yourself?

Wham, bam, Boomvang

Call me immature, but I still enjoy getting mail as much as I did when I was 11, making the long walk down the driveway to grab the new issue of Sports Illustrated or Ranger Rick. As a grownup, getting a FedEx is even more of a thrill, because it usually delivers my latest splurge from Amazon.

But not always.

In December, my daughter brought an unexpected FedEx to me that had been left at our front door. Excitement turned to anguish: It was a cease and desist on using Ellipsis Communications LLC as my business name. After 9-plus years, registered with the Arizona Corporation Commission but not the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, no more three dots. Period.

Long story short, a trademark lawyer told me I had no case. The other entity had federal protection, and I did not. I immediately set to brainstorming a new name. I didn't love anything I was coming up with, when my wife suggested that I kick around some sailing and navigation terms.

The result, with a website ready to launch on or before January 31, 2009, is Boomvang^SM Creative Group LLC. A boom vang (two words) is a pulley or piston system found on larger boats, attached from the base of the mast to a point on the boom, enabling you to control the shape of your mainsail. Which seems as good a metaphor as any for heading into my second decade of business as a freelance writer, editor, marketer and entrepreneur.